It is excruciating to give control of my life to ANYONE. There is within me an independent streak, bred into me, developed and refined through the years and stubbornly strong like steel.
So, I have much angst when I read parts of the Bible that demand that I surrender my life, give control of my life, entrust my life to Jesus Christ. Let me be clear…for the decades that I have known Him and followed Him, I have found Him to be nothing but trustworthy. The problem is not with Him. The problem lies within me.
Here is one of those very challenging parts of Jesus’ teaching:
“’If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.” Mark 8:34-35.
Walk with me step at a time through this: “If anyone would come after Me(follow, become a student of, love)…”
I fall into that category. Though I have had seasons where I wanted to go my own way, follow MY heart, do MY will…the overall trajectory of my life since eight years old has been following the leadership of Jesus Christ. I would STILL like to ‘come after Him.’
It’s the next part that creates anxiety: “Let him deny himself…” Now, what does that mean? Obviously, there are two people vying for say-so in my life—Me, myself and I…and Jesus. Just like there are not two Presidents of the United States, nor two kings seated on a throne, nor two CEO’s of a company, there cannot be a sharing of say-so in my life.
I’ll either do what I want…thus NOT denying myself…or, I will yield, submit, surrender to Him.
Many of us use language like this: God, I want Your will. I want this, but you want that…I’ll do what YOU want. We have prayed like Jesus did the night before He was killed, “Father, not MY will, but YOURS be done.”
Sounds nice. Tidy. Spiritual. Even Super Spiritual.
But oh my! Tough, tough, tough to do.
It’s like I want God in the passenger side of my car. He can read the map, He can make suggestions about route and speed and even comment on the scenery. He can occasionally hold the wheel (from His side of the car) while I eat a burger or chat on the phone. But…BUT…I like the feel and view from the driver’s seat. It’s hard to get out of the car, walk to the other side, strap into the passenger seat and give up control.
It feels terribly much like I am losing control; losing myself.
And in that moment, Jesus whispers: Exactly.
He said it so clearly, recorded in the Gospel of Mark: Whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospels will save it.
I can cling and control and complain and try to steer my life, my way, all in an effort to keep my life. And in doing that, I consistently wreck and lose precious parts over and over again.
It is when I entrust the direction and decisions of my life to the Life-Giver, the Life-Sustainer, the Life-Architect, that I begin to truly live the life I was destined to live.
But it hurts. Parts of my life that I don’t want to yield…parts I love….I slowly release my grip, open my hand and trust God to decide what He allows me to keep and what He takes away.
I hate when He takes something away. Feels like losing, like dying.
This is the point of my conflict. This is the point of my spiritual struggle; to let go of what I love and to then trust the outcome of life to the ONE who loves me best…and to BELIEVE that the best possible life—true living—will be mine if and when I give all of my life to Him.
See, Jesus said it’s like picking up a cross. Do you know what crosses were used for? They were killing machines, tools of execution. And crucifixion has ALWAYS been painful. No wonder Jesus used that word picture. It hurts to let go. It hurts to seemingly lose. It hurts to give up, give away, and give in. And yet…
…yet…this is the road to life with Jesus.
Dang.
God, if you can do it another way for me, that would be greatly appreciated.
Nevertheless, Father, not my will, but Yours be done.
So, I have much angst when I read parts of the Bible that demand that I surrender my life, give control of my life, entrust my life to Jesus Christ. Let me be clear…for the decades that I have known Him and followed Him, I have found Him to be nothing but trustworthy. The problem is not with Him. The problem lies within me.
Here is one of those very challenging parts of Jesus’ teaching:
“’If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.” Mark 8:34-35.
Walk with me step at a time through this: “If anyone would come after Me(follow, become a student of, love)…”
I fall into that category. Though I have had seasons where I wanted to go my own way, follow MY heart, do MY will…the overall trajectory of my life since eight years old has been following the leadership of Jesus Christ. I would STILL like to ‘come after Him.’
It’s the next part that creates anxiety: “Let him deny himself…” Now, what does that mean? Obviously, there are two people vying for say-so in my life—Me, myself and I…and Jesus. Just like there are not two Presidents of the United States, nor two kings seated on a throne, nor two CEO’s of a company, there cannot be a sharing of say-so in my life.
I’ll either do what I want…thus NOT denying myself…or, I will yield, submit, surrender to Him.
Many of us use language like this: God, I want Your will. I want this, but you want that…I’ll do what YOU want. We have prayed like Jesus did the night before He was killed, “Father, not MY will, but YOURS be done.”
Sounds nice. Tidy. Spiritual. Even Super Spiritual.
But oh my! Tough, tough, tough to do.
It’s like I want God in the passenger side of my car. He can read the map, He can make suggestions about route and speed and even comment on the scenery. He can occasionally hold the wheel (from His side of the car) while I eat a burger or chat on the phone. But…BUT…I like the feel and view from the driver’s seat. It’s hard to get out of the car, walk to the other side, strap into the passenger seat and give up control.
It feels terribly much like I am losing control; losing myself.
And in that moment, Jesus whispers: Exactly.
He said it so clearly, recorded in the Gospel of Mark: Whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospels will save it.
I can cling and control and complain and try to steer my life, my way, all in an effort to keep my life. And in doing that, I consistently wreck and lose precious parts over and over again.
It is when I entrust the direction and decisions of my life to the Life-Giver, the Life-Sustainer, the Life-Architect, that I begin to truly live the life I was destined to live.
But it hurts. Parts of my life that I don’t want to yield…parts I love….I slowly release my grip, open my hand and trust God to decide what He allows me to keep and what He takes away.
I hate when He takes something away. Feels like losing, like dying.
This is the point of my conflict. This is the point of my spiritual struggle; to let go of what I love and to then trust the outcome of life to the ONE who loves me best…and to BELIEVE that the best possible life—true living—will be mine if and when I give all of my life to Him.
See, Jesus said it’s like picking up a cross. Do you know what crosses were used for? They were killing machines, tools of execution. And crucifixion has ALWAYS been painful. No wonder Jesus used that word picture. It hurts to let go. It hurts to seemingly lose. It hurts to give up, give away, and give in. And yet…
…yet…this is the road to life with Jesus.
Dang.
God, if you can do it another way for me, that would be greatly appreciated.
Nevertheless, Father, not my will, but Yours be done.
